To Talk or Not to Talk ?

I was having a conversation with a couple of friends last week and we talked about a few things which led up to a discussion on cheating partners in relationships. I've always had a cheating conversation with a guy usually so this was quite different.

Anyhoo, the main question was: 'Would you tell your friend if you caught their partner cheating?' I was going to ask guys this just to see if we differed in opinions but I haven't done so. I guess this will be a platform for me to know what guys' thoughts on this would be ? So do tell !

I have agreed not to say my friends' opinions on this also, so I'll only highlight my thoughts on it and my answers when I was asked. Our close friend's boyfriend has cheated on her multiple times, with not one girl, not two but a few. I cannot judge her because she has taken him back on different occasions, I mean, I sometimes wonder what type of love they share that makes her go back but nonetheless I do not judge -that's beside the point! The last time he cheated, my friend decided to tell her because she knew the girl who he had been with.

Last we heard, he was a changed man so she couldn't wrap her head around the reason he would do something like that again. She cried on the phone, eventually hung up to sort it out with her boo.  Long story short, she's still with him and she said she doesn't like it when people are jealous of her relationship and just because certain people are single doesn't mean they should tear down what she has (fair enough). So that question came up in our conversation as a result of this.

The 3 things I would do if I caught or knew my friend's partner is cheating:

1) The level of our friendship would determine whether or not I would tell them. If it’s a close friend I'll opt to tell and I have done so before. I felt bad at the end cos it ended their relationship and I sorta blamed myself. I mean, who told me to carry such bad news but I did it for the better good and now my friend is with better, which is all that matters at the end.

2). If it were someone like the friend who said people were jealous of her relationship, Nne! I will keep shut; no word will come out of me whatsoever. Some friends are better off learning their lessons without interferences. (Experience is the best teacher). Although that might sound mean, I'd rather come across as mean than be seen as a jealous person. A guy I used to like made a pass at my friend, but she thought I was too into him to tell me. She only told me when she was sure I wasn't interested in him anymore. Which takes me to my last point.

3). If I know my friend is really head over heels in love with their partner, I would confront the cheating party (which may not work in all cases for different reasons you may think of). Then start making little side comments like 'u can do better', 'there's just something about your partner that doesn't sit well with my spirit', 'the dynamics between you guys is a bit off', 'I had a dream' lololol (I won't go that far). Just little side comments till the cheating party decides to confess or not. In my own case, my friend made me see a lot of his flaws and I started to lose interest.

So what would you do if you knew your friend's partner was cheating on them ? Gosh I used the word friend too many times in this post.

Random thought: Working with female species can be some sort annoying especially when they are the bosses. 

My Wonderful Father, Friend & First Love

When men pray, God may do any of these three things: He may say a yes, He may say a no or a 'not now'... it is left to God to do as He deems fit. If He decides not to accede to our request, there's really nothing anyone can do about it -it's His prerogative, we cannot take Him to court and at best, it's wise to give Him a free hand

Wow ! I would never have imagined that I would be writing a tribute to my dad, I mean not at this point in my life anyway. My Dad’s life –who he was to me, what he was -can never be understood just written in words. Words can truly not describe a quarter of the man he was, but at their best, could only try to give a reflection of the selfless and unassuming man who lived such a full and impactful life. You never really stop feeling the loss of someone close to you and I know people say time heals all wounds, so far it hasn't healed mine. My whole world hasn't been the same since he left and probably won't be the same.

People who know me know how close I was with him and I can't possibly describe our relationship in a post or words. No day goes by without the thought of him and I especially reminisce on the last week before he left. Words can't describe how much I miss him, or how much I want him to be here to listen to me and help me when I need him to like he always did.

Daddy! 

You exemplified ‘Sacrifice’ – because you always wanted the best for your family even at your own expense. If you had a 100 naira you only kept 10 for yourself ensuring we were fully taken care of even if it meant you going without.

You exemplified the word ‘Protector’ – I cannot forget the day armed robbers came into the house and you offered yourself to them while telling us to go and hide so we would be ok. You also told them to leave mummy alone and deal with you instead (that was most definitely the point I knew that your love for us knew no bounds and you were a great protector).

You exemplified the word ‘Teacher’ – because you always knew what to say and how to say it even in times of trouble. You always told me to give God a problem and leave it with him to solve not worrying about it. You actually lived out that saying leaving everything to God to decide -in His care. You have taught me more about what I need and should look for in a man. You constantly reminded not to settle for less and also of my place as the child of a king. And you teaching me is what I will miss the most.

5th of September was a tough day and everyday since then has been different, I want to wake up everyday for it to be a dream but it hasn’t been.  I want to wake up and see you again saying Omoyo yo yo. I want to have a sing off with Yimika and you choose her over me again. I want to be able to say ‘Daddy se wa alright’ again. I really wish you left me a manual for the times you wont be here again.

My dad was my close friend, I would tell him anything from work to relationships and yet I respected him so much. Some father a child but he was more interested in having a relationship with his children. He called me Omoyo onigbese because I borrowed money from him knowing I wouldn’t return it. I told him sometime in August that the only reason I borrowed money from him was because when I asked he said no but when I use the word borrow he would gladly give it. He replied saying I know I would not “borrow” you if I couldn’t give you and I also don’t want you to ask things from outsiders when your father is capable of giving you.

He also encouraged my writing, I showed him some of my blog posts and he was so proud. I’m happy that I constantly told him how much he meant to me. I’ll always carry his heart with me; no one can steal the memory of his love away. He was a King amongst men of which there are a few. My heart, my rock, and my bull who would I be if God did not bring us together.

Life with him was definitely amazing; he loved us and made sure to the best of his ability that we lacked nothing. It is only human to miss and cry for your loved one but I’m glad that I have another angel watching over me. God’s will was done and you are no longer in pain and I know He’ll heal and comfort us on every side.

I will be comforted by these words from the book of Revelations 14:13 Then I heard a voice from heaven say, "Blessed are the dead who die in the Lord from now on." "Yes," says the Spirit, "they will rest from their labour, for their deeds will follow them."

Writing Like I Used To ?

A lot of people have been asking me why I don't write/blog anymore and lately I've been trying to answer that same question myself.

The thing is each time I start questioning myself, I get to a place of no return cos I'm a natural thinker and analyzer -I start to think of the reason I lost the inspiration to write and then my thoughts spiral out of scope. A while back, I could look at the sky and write; I could look at a face and get inspired to write. But now, even after a 3hour, long and tedious stare at the sky, my mind just wouldn't come up with a line, I do think it's in there but it's not just coming together in my mind.

Anyhoo... I also thought I was going to be ready, after sometime, to tell you all the reason behind my 'writer's block' but as it is, I'm still trying to figure it out myself.  I still busy myself with other things such as reading. I love reading and lately I have found remarkable interest in the writings of the renowned fathers of Nigerian literature:  Chinua Achebe and Wole Soyinka.  

You know it's been said that people are in your life for a reason. I hope you know this is true. I met someone special and when we got talking I started looking at life in new a perspective. One word, God does work in mysterious ways! Okay, make that 6 words :) . This encounter has now got me constantly thinking of why people are in my life.

I know for a fact that I will start writing again. Having no specific dates in mind, I do I know it's gonna be soon. #randomIknow.

Work has been really busy this year.  *Another random fact*.

I'm not as social as I used to be. Someone once said that having a conversation with me was such a task. I took no offence to it. I don't know if I'll ever be the 'old me' per say cos the only thing constant in life is change and I'm liking some of the new benefits of 'this' change.

Write soonest, but until then try to be a rainbow in someone's cloud. You never can tell what it will mean to them.