My mum was only 16 when she got
pregnant. I have always wondered what she was thinking when she let someone get
on top of her to get her pregnant. I have always wondered why I was the
spermatozoa that made it out of the millions or was it billions they said?
I also wondered why people said God
has a plan and even if I were a mistake, according to God's big plan I am
expected to believe that I wasn't. But clearly, I was. The way I saw it, only a
dumb person would think a mishap or an 'oops!' isn't a mistake.
My dad's family thought a baby
couldn't take care of another baby so they decided to take care of me. I didn't
see my mother till I was 15; when she was Ill and was going to pass.
She passed 2 days after I saw her
for the first time in 15 years. I went through so many emotions: anger, pain,
joy, bliss, happy, bitter, disappointed and the list goes on. I was
disappointed that she didn't make an effort to be involved in bringing me up. I
was happy because she made sure she saw me before she passed. However, my mum
was angry and happy. Happy to see me, but angry that I came and spoilt the good
thing she had with my dad. She asked me to forgive her and I did and I also
asked for her forgiveness even if I knew I shouldn't have apologised for her
thoughtless act of getting pregnant as a teenager.
When she passed, my dad thought it was
time to stop living with his uncle and sent for me to join him and his family
in England. I was going to live with people I had never met and a father I
never knew. I knew he paid all my fees as my uncle had said but that's all I
knew of him.
I moved in with my new family and I
was absolutely in love with my step siblings, the baby especially. My dad
started becoming violent towards me -I reminded him too much of my mum. I don't
know what it was about her that got him so angry but I know he hit me a lot, he
would hit me like he was fighting with his friend. He didn't hesitate to tell
me that his worse decision was bringing me over to England. I put my hands up,
sometimes I did have a terrible attitude but I don't think that was inevitable
because I was always reminded that it wasn't both their intention to have me.
Today, my dad hit me again and I
write from the hospital bed; where I am being treated for a head injury. The
police just got a statement from me (no I didn't call them, the neighbours did
). They want me to press charges but I don't know if I should. It is the right
thing to do but he has 3 other children who he loves dearly and a beautiful
wife who calms him down when he hits me. They keep asking if I need to see
someone who would advise me. I want him to pay for this by doing time but what
would you think about me ?
