Just Like A Nightmare

I am scared of animals..I am scared of people hurting me... I'm scared of bad news, I'm scared of bad dreams and a myriad other things in life but I am absolutely terrified of death.

Yes, I am so terrified of death....two of 3 pple would know that since I lost my auntie I sometimes wake up in the middle of the night to cry becos I don't know why and how it happened... I wake up so scared and I'd rather be up in reality than go back to bed and have nightmares....

Tears roll down my eyes for so many reasons as I write this. For one I am very very very very thankful that I'm still alive and I stand in awe of the one that keeps me and reminds me of the reason I should live my best and achieve great things. Secondly, becos I should have died this week but God intervened...only my family and a friend knows this cos I decided not to chat or speak to anyone about the experience.

A number of people would know that i missed a few steps on my way to work on monday which left me with a sprained knee and ankle. I took the next day off and did a half day on wednesday (I keep thinking myself 'I should have made it 2 days instead of a day and a half'). I decided to take the morning off however, while going to work in the early afternoon something terrible happened!

This guy at this station was trying to get my number with all the usual pick up lines and I said thanks to the compliments and kept it moving. After a couple of stops on the train 2 other guys got on and were fighting on the train (a white guy and a guy from india). All I heard were:

W: you bloody paki fucking shut up and sit now
*slaps follow* I said fucking sit down
I: sits down
W: brings out knife *I will fucking put this knife thru u and u would die..u ll bleed to death u idiot...I just called u a paki..hear, me u're gonna die today!

I looked round and everyone was minding their own business..like literally reading newspapers, mags and listening to their mp3s/ipod... I didn't know if to dial 999.. But if I did how would I speak ?? I guess I was the only one fidgeting and looking horrified! All I heard was

W: yo black bitch.. Why u fucking staring for

My heart sunk becos I thot that was it..my mind went blank.. I was brainless for the rest of the journey. All I kept hearing was "u fucking cunt I will burn ur face and stab u too..."

At this point he was squatting in front of me with the cig by my left cheek and the knife on his left..I said nothing and tried not to look into his eyes

W: you need to go fuck a white boy like me so u can have pretty mixed raced babies u cunt... Black idiot...those were the only lines I remembered the rest are all now a blur to me. All I remember after that was being washed by his spit while he spoke and how he got closer and closer with the knife..I knew the cig was so close If I moved, it would have burnt me..!

The indian guy finally came to my rescue slapped him from the back and they started fighting by the doors...no one stood..no one intervened they beat up each other till the next station where the indian guy opened the train doors just as the train was ready to depart, pushing him on to the platform!

Everyone on the train started asking if I was ok and its a good thing I ignored..all sorts were said...I couldn't breath..my heart was beating so fast but I was literally struggling to breath.. Like lives were almost taken and does it mean that everyone on the train would carry on with their journey like nothing happened?!? No one would pull the emergency lever ? or all attack him at once?!? I was thinking but wasn't breathing.....'My parents would have said my daughter is at work'..my friend's would have also thought 'oh she's at work'!

I've always been scared of many things but I'm terrified of death. I tell so many pple "I'll speak to u tomorrow.." and so many pple talk about tomorrow cos they believe its only around the corner.

I'll love u tomorrow, I'll forgive tomorrow, I'll see u tomorrow, I'll give my life to Christ tomorrow. I would be a better person tomorrow, I will start my diet tomorrow, I'll say my prayers tomorrow, I'll propose tomorrow, I'll say sorry tomorrow.. There are so many tomorrows but how sure are you of tomorrow...

Appreciate life now.. Call that friend or family now.. Say a prayer now... Forgive now.. Apologise now... Give ur life to Christ now .. For no one is promised tomorrow..

It was only God that saved my 'tomorrow' at the time.. May his mercy and grace be with you, I and urs.. Do ur best in the Now.. Cos tomorrow may never come.

My Friend Found Her Happy

I was having a conversation with my very good friend today, we randomly talked about blogs and in her words she's like "for the amount of stuff you write I'm surprised you don't blog often". I thought to myself "true stuff"!! I mean I have thoughts almost everyday to write; I blog on my phone, I have notepads full of writings but I don't just blog. 


We spoke further and I realised that even if I wrote all these stuff I'm somewhat not brave enough to put them up. My heart is simply too afraid to be an open book...considering that I over think every single thing, my friends say I do it to the extreme. Well all I can say is my brain likes to be put to work...loool! My sister  says I'm secretive and I can understand her becos people only know as much as I tell them. In addition cos I fear I'll become almost too transparent to people I'm very selective with what I put up, this is  why I tend write fictitiously or other people's stories. I also happen to be better at writing in the first person cos I'm not really good at the whole "he said, she said, he did business"! But it would be good news to know that I'm working on it. I'm also working on writing more often...no promises but I would try :). 

Anyhoo! moving on to something else beside my excuses....I wrote this because I met this amazing someone in 2010 and in a year of being with her I somewhat changed her and she did me too... I started looking at life in a different way. However, this post is written in the first person detailing how she found her happy becos I know she did and I'm happy I was used in the process. Here it goes:

For most, transitioning takes a gradual and often subtle process. But for a few others, it's strangely abrupt and more like a rude awakening to reality. As a matter of fact, it happens to them that they imagine that they've grown up almost suddenly! As it relates to myself, you'll imagine I'm one of the gradually evolving ones... (and ooh... maybe you think I belong to the other category); the truth is, I'm amazingly a bit of both. For quite sometime now, I realised that I've suddenly become more mature, more sensing and unbelievably relaxed and calm. Truth is; I have found my happy! Believe you me, its taken me a long long time to get to this point *x_x*. I must confess, it's been quite a journey: one that demanded a shedding of previous ideologies and embracing a paradigm shift.

It all began when my moods were annoyingly getting the better of me; I was largely irritable and cared less the effect it had on those who truly cared about me. It felt like I was in a pit and was screaming to get out but no one would help me. I didn't hate the world but I was very very close!.lol. Then I took to retreating to my shell, entertaining myself with my thoughts and trust me... those thoughts weren't delightful either. I mean, I was a hot mess! I had almost concluded that my situation was surely a glimpse of how the rest of my life would pan out was when the intervention came. I was introduced to a popular tv program by one of my dear friends and although I initially rebelled, I found myself loving it and being more consistent in watching it than those who had initiated it. Anyways.... it taught lots of truths which I believe sipped right through the cracks in my life and BAM! here I am: all new and improved :). You are probably thinking it's only temporary or just a phase. I pray not and I've been praying not every night ever since :D

Come to think of it, it wasnt entirely sudden. my subconscious played a massive role I guess and when it had overflown with wisdom was when it began to manifest on the outside...lol. In some other ways, I have simply evolved; almost similar to the story of the butterfly. I mean, I have been educated, schooled and now on my way to being a professional. I have seen babies born, the young grow and the old pass on to a better place. I have loved, I still love and I hope I never stop. Although I'm still someone's child, I am also a sister and a big auntie to some (Yeah!) and who knows how soon, I'll have a little one of my own and that very wonderful young man next to me. The very one I want and praying for.

When you read this, I hope you think I did a good job at capturing your experience. And of course it wouldn't be me without a smart comment *I know you love me* :p

Common’s Sense: Common Answers Your Burning Dating Questions

Hey Y'all, so I was reading through Common's interview in Essence Magazine and I liked this piece and thought to share. He is finnnnneeee... I'm usually attracted to the likes of Idris Elba, Reggie Bush, Lance Gross,  but he's an exception *Hottie Alert*. Enjoy 


Girlfriends give great relationship advice, but sometimes what you really need is a little insight from men. Common is always respectful of the ladies, and he’s dated some of Hollywood’s most fierce women, like Serena Williams and Erykah Badu. And, when it comes to relationship-talk, he doesn’t hold back. So we turned to him to help you out.

We recently gave you a chance to ask Common your burning dating questions on Facebook and he answered his favorites. Still have questions for the rap star? Not to worry. He’s back with more great answers for two lucky ladies.

JACKEI FOWLER asked: “When do you think that a woman should share with a new love interest that she has a child?”


COMMON: Family should come first and foremost in your life. If you get to the point where you’re calling someone a “love interest,” one would think that the feeling should be somewhat mutual. With that said, I don’t think you get to that point without divulging who you are and what’s important in your life. Whether it’s a male or a female, being a parent should be something that a potential mate or love interest should know very early on during the getting-to-know-each-other stages.



GLORIA JONES asked: “Do you agree with the statement ‘females who put-out on the first date have no self respect’?”

COMMON: The word “woman” is a powerful title to have. It means you have the power to decide whom to which you let inside your Temple. Yes, I use the word Temple because it’s a sacred place. When a woman makes that decision, she must be aware of the potential way she could be viewed by society’s standards. There are plenty of women that don’t have respect for themselves that are virgins. So, whether it’s the first date or the 41st date, in my opinion, a woman should be sure of what’s SHE wants to do and be mentally mature to handle the days after. Ironically enough, I often ask Black women what their favorite movies are. In their responses, they almost always include “Love Jones,” mainly because of characters, poetry and the fairytale ending. What they fail to remember about that movie is that Larenz Tate and Nia Long’s characters had sex on the first date — and it worked out. It worked out because Nia’s character was strong enough to be responsible for her actions and able to deal with the aftermath. To that end, I would hope that both men and women have respect for themselves and each other before they decide to become one.

Do you have a rebuttal for Common? I have my views on this and I love me some debate..share urs below.

Courtesy: Essence Magazine