Just Like A Nightmare

I am scared of animals..I am scared of people hurting me... I'm scared of bad news, I'm scared of bad dreams and a myriad other things in life but I am absolutely terrified of death.

Yes, I am so terrified of death....two of 3 pple would know that since I lost my auntie I sometimes wake up in the middle of the night to cry becos I don't know why and how it happened... I wake up so scared and I'd rather be up in reality than go back to bed and have nightmares....

Tears roll down my eyes for so many reasons as I write this. For one I am very very very very thankful that I'm still alive and I stand in awe of the one that keeps me and reminds me of the reason I should live my best and achieve great things. Secondly, becos I should have died this week but God intervened...only my family and a friend knows this cos I decided not to chat or speak to anyone about the experience.

A number of people would know that i missed a few steps on my way to work on monday which left me with a sprained knee and ankle. I took the next day off and did a half day on wednesday (I keep thinking myself 'I should have made it 2 days instead of a day and a half'). I decided to take the morning off however, while going to work in the early afternoon something terrible happened!

This guy at this station was trying to get my number with all the usual pick up lines and I said thanks to the compliments and kept it moving. After a couple of stops on the train 2 other guys got on and were fighting on the train (a white guy and a guy from india). All I heard were:

W: you bloody paki fucking shut up and sit now
*slaps follow* I said fucking sit down
I: sits down
W: brings out knife *I will fucking put this knife thru u and u would die..u ll bleed to death u idiot...I just called u a paki..hear, me u're gonna die today!

I looked round and everyone was minding their own business..like literally reading newspapers, mags and listening to their mp3s/ipod... I didn't know if to dial 999.. But if I did how would I speak ?? I guess I was the only one fidgeting and looking horrified! All I heard was

W: yo black bitch.. Why u fucking staring for

My heart sunk becos I thot that was it..my mind went blank.. I was brainless for the rest of the journey. All I kept hearing was "u fucking cunt I will burn ur face and stab u too..."

At this point he was squatting in front of me with the cig by my left cheek and the knife on his left..I said nothing and tried not to look into his eyes

W: you need to go fuck a white boy like me so u can have pretty mixed raced babies u cunt... Black idiot...those were the only lines I remembered the rest are all now a blur to me. All I remember after that was being washed by his spit while he spoke and how he got closer and closer with the knife..I knew the cig was so close If I moved, it would have burnt me..!

The indian guy finally came to my rescue slapped him from the back and they started fighting by the doors...no one stood..no one intervened they beat up each other till the next station where the indian guy opened the train doors just as the train was ready to depart, pushing him on to the platform!

Everyone on the train started asking if I was ok and its a good thing I ignored..all sorts were said...I couldn't breath..my heart was beating so fast but I was literally struggling to breath.. Like lives were almost taken and does it mean that everyone on the train would carry on with their journey like nothing happened?!? No one would pull the emergency lever ? or all attack him at once?!? I was thinking but wasn't breathing.....'My parents would have said my daughter is at work'..my friend's would have also thought 'oh she's at work'!

I've always been scared of many things but I'm terrified of death. I tell so many pple "I'll speak to u tomorrow.." and so many pple talk about tomorrow cos they believe its only around the corner.

I'll love u tomorrow, I'll forgive tomorrow, I'll see u tomorrow, I'll give my life to Christ tomorrow. I would be a better person tomorrow, I will start my diet tomorrow, I'll say my prayers tomorrow, I'll propose tomorrow, I'll say sorry tomorrow.. There are so many tomorrows but how sure are you of tomorrow...

Appreciate life now.. Call that friend or family now.. Say a prayer now... Forgive now.. Apologise now... Give ur life to Christ now .. For no one is promised tomorrow..

It was only God that saved my 'tomorrow' at the time.. May his mercy and grace be with you, I and urs.. Do ur best in the Now.. Cos tomorrow may never come.