Diary of a Single Girl

A few weeks ago, I was sad, alone and heartbroken from my previous relationship. I tried to keep myself busy after the break up to avoid getting myself upset all over again and this seemed to have worked at least for the most part -I mean, I work Mondays to Fridays; 8-8 on those sort of jobs that take-up your very useful hours and leave you with just enough time to have a shower, eat and sleep.

The weekends weren't any easier because I always seemed to have quite a bit to juggle. There's usually a wedding, birthday party, bridal shower, baby shower etc... to attend or I deliberately overwhelm myself in the company of friends who were charged with the responsibility of keeping me sane and helping me unlove him (...trust my girls to diss the guy, remind me of the million and one things he sucked at and inflate my head with their *you are too good for him* talks..lol)

Ok.... so i met someone (else) *love struck*. 

It was a Saturday in mid July when I was bored out of my head, had absolutely nothing doing and was home alone. Sadly, I found myself thinking about the past and all the things I wish we could have made right but we didn’t. Tired of the whole gloomy episode, I decided to call-up one of my girlfriends to go out for a drink *excited*. While we were at the lounge having our drinks, chatting and casually moving to the beat of the music, my friend suddenly sees a friend and before they knew it, they were hugging and catching up on lost times. 

I wasn’t particularly paying attention to the guy in question whilst they were talking but then I decided to take a glance at the young man and believe you me; it was love at first glance… *shy much*. You've got to believe me when I say I never believed in stuff like that until that very moment. It was really really weird not to know someone but fall in love with their person instantly. I found it funnily scary or more like scarily funny *wink*! But yeah... he was tall, dark, handsome and still is (to me anyways) and I thought we would really make a nice couple…. :D

After my friend was done catching up with him she comes over and tells me her friend likes me and I’m like I think he’s cute too! ;;) So he comes over and we get introduced properly and he asks if he could have my pin to which I obviously agreed seeing as I was already in love with him….X_X. We chatted briefly on Sunday, by Monday he was calling and on Tuesday, we had our first date and we talked, laughed over drinks and to cut the long story short he asked me to be his girlfriend and although I thought it was too soon, I accepted his proposal on our second date (a couple of days after) btw can I just add that I find it so cute and absolutely loving to be asked the question ‘would you be my girlfriend?’  I mean guys don’t usually do that or do they? (not the ones I’ve dated in the past though)...

Sadly my blogging ends here tonight…as my bed is calling :) I’ll finish up sooner than you think.

Someday When I Stop Loving You

Ever watched the movie "Diary of a Mad Black Woman"?? It’s where I got my inspiration from…This is dedicated to women who suffer physical and emotional abuse; I pray y’all find the strength to leave someday.

It was just like yesterday when we began. You swept me off my feet and washed away the very memory of those that had hurt me in the past... You gave me a new hope; a fresh start and a faith that made me feel like a woman again: that woman who is now completely sold out to you.

My last experience with the last guy was horrendous..I mean, he was that guy! He was best at multi-tasking and even got the awards: a cheater, a liar and an abuser. I took the heat when he was at his lows and cried to sleep when he was at his highs because he spent those outside: with another.

...I wanted a new start and it’s why it took me a while to let you in.  But you proved yourself. You showed that you were worth it: my risking it all over again for you. you were not perfect but you brought out the best in me and that made you perfect...

I'll give you the credit because you tried... You passed all the tests. You said the words like a poet would  and you worked the deeds with such perfection that is known to a gentleman. But I'll say it again, "I commend you" because you excelled at deceiving me.

It’s been a little over a year and I realise you were just like him…. I remember the first hit like it was yesterday, a very rude awakening. You blamed it on everything else but yourself. You hit me once and got kinder with it by doubling the dosage every other week. Now it’s a chore and fast becoming a hobby. The beatings are bad enough but it’s the apologies I detest because they mean nothing to you.

I blame myself and often wonder the sort of life I have been called to live. I have considered suicide but my faith won't let me; I have even thought of a silent murder but my mind lacks the guts. I’m quickly running out of options and tired of living a lie. Tired of lying to friends and wearing a mask that makes other women want what I have.

You always said I was a strong woman and I couldn't agree more with you... I'm reaching my breaking point and I hope to get there faster than you can imagine. When I sleep in my bed all I think about is how I'll get thru the night..., how I'll possibly face the horrors of what’s to come!

I woke up this morning glad I got through the night and it struck me: I have stopped loving you..

It’s about time I let go of the hurt and the pain; now, all I need is the strength to leave..