Ever watched the movie "Diary of a Mad
Black Woman"?? It’s where I got my inspiration from…This is dedicated to
women who suffer physical and emotional abuse; I pray y’all find the strength
to leave someday.
It was just like yesterday when we began. You
swept me off my feet and washed away the very memory of those that had hurt me
in the past... You gave me a new hope; a fresh start and a faith that made me
feel like a woman again: that woman who is now completely sold out to you.
My last experience with the last guy was horrendous..I mean, he was that guy!
He was best at multi-tasking and even got the awards: a cheater, a liar
and an abuser. I took the heat when he was at his lows and cried to sleep when
he was at his highs because he spent those outside: with another.
...I wanted a new start and it’s why it took me a while to let you in.
But you proved yourself. You showed that you were worth it: my risking it all
over again for you. you were not perfect but you brought out the best in me and
that made you perfect...
I'll give you the credit because you tried... You passed all the tests. You
said the words like a poet would and you worked the deeds with such perfection
that is known to a gentleman. But I'll say it again, "I commend you"
because you excelled at deceiving me.
It’s been a little over a year and I realise you were just like him…. I
remember the first hit like it was yesterday, a very rude awakening. You blamed
it on everything else but yourself. You hit me once and got kinder with it by
doubling the dosage every other week. Now it’s a chore and fast becoming a
hobby. The beatings are bad enough but it’s the apologies I detest because they
mean nothing to you.
I blame myself and often wonder the sort of life I have been called to
live. I have considered suicide but my faith won't let me; I have even thought
of a silent murder but my mind lacks the guts. I’m quickly running out of
options and tired of living a lie. Tired of lying to friends and wearing a mask
that makes other women want what I have.
You always said I was a strong woman and I couldn't agree more with you... I'm
reaching my breaking point and I hope to get there faster than you can imagine.
When I sleep in my bed all I think about is how I'll get thru the night..., how
I'll possibly face the horrors of what’s to come!
I woke up this morning glad I got through the night and it struck me: I have
stopped loving you..
It’s about time I let go of the hurt and the pain; now, all I need is the
strength to leave..
To her: someday when you stop loving him, you'll get up, leave and not look back except he repents and begins to value you the way God has intended.
ReplyDeletewow....this is a very lovely piece. was enjoying it...didn't want it to end. In relation to this write-up, i hope she really has the strength to leave cos it's truly not as easy as it seems.
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ReplyDeleteStrength is all we need and the grace to realize when to leave. I don't/can never support abuse of any form, be it physical/emotional or even mental abuse. That mask of self deceit, making others wish they were in 'your shoes' is the worst of them all and until they have walked in those shoes they can never really know. I hope she leaves whether or not she has stopped loving him. Sometimes we need to get on the outside to see the inside from a different perspective. Her freedom, be it now or another few months/years, hopefully it's not too late when she makes up her mind. I pray she finds the courage to do so... strength is all we need.
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