Different But Not Less

Hey guys I'm back again... sorry for the long wait, I had to ensure this piece was well tied together.

Since I was born I have always been treated different, and I finally came to a realisation that I was. Growing up my parents didn’t treat me any different from my siblings, but in school I was… I wasn’t allowed to play like most kids were, I wasn’t allowed to swim for long and my favourite; I drank more water than anyone I knew.

I had a health condition that couldn’t be treated but could be managed and whilst growing up my parents did the best job possible to manage it with help from my maker of course. The health condition was my little secret and I wanted everyone to treat me just like they treated everybody around me *normal*. I was old enough to start having male friends and subsequently, a series of counselling sessions at the clinic about who I could and could not see followed; I was also told to be more open about it in relationships. I previously denied its facts and had lied to many people about it in the past. Eventually, I overcame my fear and finally told my friends who were totally shocked by the way.  Thing is: I had been told so many negative stories about people with the same health condition and I was scared the same might just happen to me *which was only a normal thought*.

I was in my first relationship where I was open about me from the very start, but the only relationship where I was treated as less because I was different. I guess everything was just wrong… I had a crisis and he got cold feet. Technically when people say they are in love with you, you take it all in and for all its worth, believe every word because u probably feel the same way about them. However, you never really know the strength of their affection until life throws them some form of test – a test which could only be surmounted, by a certain level of maturity and the most sincere of emotions.

Funny thing is I was in the hospital for two weeks and not as much as a single visit from him *the one who had professed such depth of love*. You would agree with me that even the most platonic of friends would have at the least paid a visit… *its only common sense if u ask me*.  I guess he was young and it was too much for him to handle at the time; I mean there’s no saying what I can handle as well lol J.  To cut the long story short, his parents said he couldn’t see a ‘sick girl’ but I can understand that they only had his best interest at heart. I was told to defend or explain myself to them and tell them what their son was getting into, imagine??? . I cried myself to sleep so many nights because I had so many questions for God and my parents. I often asked nights and nights again “why me?” “what did I do to deserve this??” “Am I really your child???” Why couldn’t God just take it all away???? I slept some nights hoping to wake up to a new status and thank God I have… but of course at the time, my parents took the brunt of it with me constantly probing and blaming them for this *now I feel bad* J cos Lord knows how much I love them.

"Why didn’t anyone tell me it would be this difficult getting through life" was my constant thought; the words ‘sick girl’ simply couldn’t be erased.  Finally I realised it was an unhealthy relationship, one where the last penny from my emotional bank account was withdrawn * you were meant to laugh*… I became aware of the fact that though I was different I was not less, peculiar but not fragile and as whole as every other person not needing the slightest pity.  Despite challenges (just like everyone has once in a while) I have achieved remarkable measure of success *don’t go thinking now… I haven’t built a house neither have I bought a car, quit being shallow folks*. A success borne out of the treasures one finds in friendships, the unfailing support of family and the most amazing love from a God who is not only mindful of me but is my ever present help. I realise now I am blessed in more ways than one.

This Is Kind of a Funny Story

Hey missed me yet??…I know u did (in my mind). So 'This is kind of a funny story'…seen the movie? Yeah…. it shares some form of similarity with the title of this piece.


“I don’t know what about her that caught my eye. I noticed her the minute she walked into the room. And in subsequent weeks, I couldn’t help but keep stealing glances towards her direction. A part of me kinda knew we might end up being friends but the sinister side hoped we would  share something even more memorable together. We’ve been friends for quite a while now and one would think the desires will fade with each passing day. They haven’t. They’ve refused to. Instead, I find myself falling deeper and loving stronger. ‘Am I insane?’ I often ask myself, or am I just one of the accursed? Have I gotten myself in trouble once more by falling helplessly in love and not being able to do anything about it or even worse, with someone who can never phantom the depth, much less love me as little as a fraction in return…”

These words are an extract…. An extract from a note I stumbled upon (one which I definitely wasn’t supposed to see). It’s a note detailing a friend’s hidden affection for me. While it is immensely complimentary to be adored by a man and often thrilling to watch him keep up with the chase, it is unbelievably flattering to have a girl nuts about u. Don’t get me wrong now… i love guys and the ideals of a conventional boy-girl relationship.

In retrospect, I think I noticed she acted different around me. Sometimes a bit too excited and at other times overly subdued. I could never really understand such extremes and even when I tried to probe, she  would simply say “it’s nothing I can say… its nothing I will be accepted for”. The other day at my place, she just stared… gazing right in my direction, but with no specific term that could be used to describe the emotion I thot I had seen for a fraction of a second. In just a minute, I had seen expressions change rapidly from an innocent smile to a look that resembled dejection. She just looked forlorn. At other times, she was gentle, very calm around me and almost mistakenly taken as timid. She would tell me stories about two lovers and how the one was simply lost for words around the other and would rather enjoy the time spent with her. I remember her whispering “you take my breath away” a number of times (but that’s typical of her - we all know her to think aloud most of the time).

I particularly recall a certain evening… we were to go for a cocktail: one of such events that multi-nationals host. I got ready and gave her a quick buzz cos apparently, the one who is known for always being on time was unusually late. Then I saw her and immediately understood why she had delayed. She had paid so much attention to detail. Her nails had been cleaned and the scent which must have been carefully selected was used in such modest quantity. The gator lines on her shirt were almost perfect as she stood there…, as if waiting for her evening’s date. Could she have done this because of me…? Taken out time to dress up for the evening solely because of me (I flatter myself). She hardly said much and as usual, I broke the silence. I tugged her with my elbow and tried to squeeze out as much as a frown, smile or at least a word from her. She turned right to me and blushed effortlessly. She held my hands lightly and told me she cared…cared about our friendship.

It’s amazing how the tiny pieces of a puzzle all begin to come into place just by a single revelation. A simple note.  A profound confession. Now I understand better… how could I not have noticed? For some reason, I thought she was naïve, repressed. Now I know better and would wait for her to tell it to my face. What if….. what if she denies it. What if she doesn’t deny it but laughs to my face telling me that it’s a play she’s been writing for: cos indeed she does write for a famous theatre. What if all I read was only fiction???? As fictitious as this very piece.