I Remember

Lately I keep remembering random things…this is partly because I took a mini holiday from what I like to call the big Disso *phew*….I must say I’m enjoying this break seeing as this is my 3rd blog this month..

I remember being robbed at gunpoint with my best friend in the car…. I cried the whole night and even contemplated leaving the next day. Dayum thank God for life

I remember when my cousin who had not been home in 14years wanted to beat up a thief who tried to steal her phone…after retrieving the phone, she kept shouting “I’m from Chicago, I’m from Chi City, downtown Chicago and I will beat you up” jokes for dayz

I remember when I used to be sooooo rude in high school…and now I can’t hurt a fly

I remember my first kiss.. I was the last of my friends …lol lol

I remember when my sis and I were playing and she mistakenly pushed me off the rooftop…I landed on the hot stove of beans ouch…and my mum beat the hell out of her… poor her.. poorer me due to the burns I sustained, no visible burn tho

I remember being bullied by Leigh, Marissa, Adeola and Gloria.. what did I ever do to deserve that…and to think we are now very good friends

I remember my friend’s boyfriend telling me he liked me… what was I meant to do about it.. like seriously?? Are u kidding me??

I remember summer in Paris, Milan and Berlin: fun times

I remember being hit by a mo-ped *smh*  gosh the number of times I’ve come close to death

I remember the strangers I met at Essex who called 999 when I was ill…they didn’t stop there, they brought me food, slept in the corridor at the hospital… Sonia and Kemi are my friends for life

I remember feeling so sad after I told some guy I liked him

I remember a married man asking me to be his second wife.. *God punish u* kmt

I remember watching my best friend in labour on skype..15years ago seems like yesterday Olivia

I remember being a really bad dancer and now I can dance for dayz

I remember studying so hard for an exam...got into the hall and no clue about any of the 11 questions asked...Today I became a certified CIPD member... Get this I didn't just pass the exam I aced it...!! Its only God that would have written that last paper no joke.. It’s a testimony!!! *heads to the altar*

I remember so many things but these are the random things that have come up recently… I hope I don’t forget to remember me, what and who I stand for…. Because I love these memories

An Uninvited Guest

He comes in without permission unlike some of the others who you can actually prevent from coming in. He violates you because you don’t have a choice; he cares less if u jog eat healthy or go on diets. Every drop of blood in your system cooperates with him because he comes in disguise. He’s in with the good cells and moves round till he finds a suitable place to stay… and this could be just about anywhere he deems fit in your body. He doesn’t care about the pain you feel or the people around you, all he wants is to treat you like you deserve no life…. all he does is infest the place where he decides would be a new home for him. His presence brings about hallucinations, dizzy spells, appetite loss and mood swings. In no time, people around you begin to wonder why you have changed suddenly but you have no answer, perhaps they are the ones changing… you then notice these changes yourself and when you finally report the case you are arrested for aiding and abetting him: for not making a statement early enough.

How would you have known he was slowly killing you and taking you away from the ones you love so dearly? How do you explain to the loves of your life that you finally want to spend all the time you have with them? …now they say you have become ‘too dependent’ I mean, we all know no man is an island… but hey, what’s with the new clinginess? Little wonder, they don’t understand what’s eating you on the inside, they do not realise he’s battling with you on the inside to win a war he decided to start without ur consent. Sleepless nights and very long days, you swim in your own pillow that has now been drenched with tears… now, all you want is for him to leave you the heck alone!!

Why is he so strong and powerful ‘I hate you…I really do ‘freak’ that’s all you say to yourself. For him it’s like pre-school, high school and college, he graduates every class making u feel much worse as he leaves previous stages. If you are lucky enough you would win before he graduates college.  He does not have sympathy for you because you have kids, because to him life is nothing. He won’t hold back because you are in school, trying to get a degree, start a career and have a family.  The only way to get it out of the system when he attacks is through a surgery or better still chemo and radiation, and the doctors ramble on ‘I don’t think you can make it’, you have 6 weeks to live -now they put a time frame on your life.

Chemo makes you moody and weak…   it makes you appreciate people around you less. After all they can never feel your pain and to you they just don’t care. But when it truly hits you, when you are able to see beyond the delusions and the vile moods he lays so heavily on you, you fight with all you’ve got in you, you fight to stay, you fight to see the future of people around you, you fight to see your own future and finally you fight to fulfil your purpose on earth.

This is for everyone who knows someone that knows someone combating cancer. Let’s keep praying for a cure and let’s keep up with the fight -like those that have kicked him in the face and won the battle, they went on to live 10 years after a 6 week time frame.... Cancer fears no man but he definitely respects God who alone calls the shots and because He is the author and the finisher of our faith, until He says it is over it truly isn’t.

Oh the Apology Finally Came... About Time!

So everyone that’s close to me knows I don’t forget things easily and that goes for the good, the bad and the ugly. I’m good with dates, numbers, words, specific events and the images can replay in my head so clearly like it happened only yesterday. A couple of my friends have said I don’t forgive easily and that I only remember the bad stuff, and to be honest I sat down and had a meeting with myself to check if my heart was in the right condition -that way I would know if I truly remember only bad events. I came to a conclusion that I remember all and I realised it’s a gift to me which I truly appreciate. Truth is even if I remember all; at least there are some good stuff as well. On the path of self discovery I however realised that I didn’t forgive people easily or I forgive, and the memory of the event never leaves *now that’s just bad* crack yourself up and say it again. I mean I remember everything down to dates and time, it is that good or bad as some would say.

About a year ago, things happened *which may be blogged on some day* and I was so hard on myself it was unbelievable.  I wouldn’t forgive the offender and I wouldn’t forgive me for allowing someone take me for *foolish* Anyways ,I battled with forgiveness for months and to my friends I lied that I had forgiven and that it was all in the past. Months later, I was worshipping and was totally broken as in…crying like a baby, tears running down you don’t want to imagine the rest *ewwwww* and it occurred to me: while I’m steady here ready not to forgive, my dear friend is living their life worry free and I’m over here struggling with forgiveness and dislike cos I wouldn’t call it hate. So I asked God to allow me forgive both myself and the offender –trust me it was hard *the end*. But after this I was so happy and a weight was lifted off me; who knew forgiveness could give you such relief. To forgive is truly divine as they say because, at the end of the day, it’s for you and not the offender –remember, they are enjoying their lives while you stay mad at them.

Recently, I kept getting calls from my offender and I decided to finally attend to it. Who knew someone so jumpy and talkative could become so calm, quiet and almost mistakably peaceful. And for some reason I could predict their next couple of lines. I was so happy because there was nothing better than to hear those words…. I was wrong, I’m sorry; pls forgive me blah blah blah.  It took over a year but hey, it finally came. I chose to forgive while having wisdom enough not to let them get too comfortable to repeat their actions. I have learnt one thing: if I have to go to God’s throne to ask for forgiveness daily, who am I not to forgive a mere human who is just as imperfect as I am.

….And people karma is real, and my offender shares the same belief. Apparently it’s the only reason they decided to apologise cos perhaps it had bitten them in the a**