As a baby I probably cried when I was hungry or wet my nappy, as a child I was better able to express myself but I wanted to become an adult so quickly. I guess I sort of sensed they had freedom to do things I was not allowed to do. They were able to watch just about any show on TV while I was restricted, I was not allowed to listen to certain music, I was not allowed a lot of things adults were allowed to do and so I wanted to be an adult. Trust me it couldn't come any sooner. I was 16 and then counting down till I left for college, which I did! Then I became an adult.
I met someone who I thought at the time was the "love of my life", you see I forgot to tell you I was raised up in a Christian home and so I had been told things that were right and wrong. I served in 4 or 5 different ministries. Yet I sinned when I supposedly met a man I thought was the love of my life! I experienced a new life, a different life, a happy life well until I became pregnant!
I knew it was wrong but I also knew although this might have been wrong according to my beliefs and values, aborting a child God had plans for would have been worse. At my home church I was like a plague, my spiritual father and mentor was not only upset with me, I was separated and detained incommunicado. My mom wouldn't speak to me either, my dad tried but it was not the same man I knew. At church, people pointed at me and laughed, I was isolated, I was broken, I became man's rejection. I tried to save face, I was not proud about what happened however, I did not want to be left out. My family isolated me and so I sought acceptance at church only to realise it was some sort worse. God has probably left me alone; I thought on several occasions!
In the months leading up to the birth of my child, the Holy Spirit worked in me, God chose to have mercy on me, He touched me, He saved me and in the midst of the storm I experienced calm because of the forgiveness I had received. It was a journey filled with emotions I may not be able to express in words!
A few months later I was blessed with an angel I call God's gift I know some people might not agree. In the midst of it all, through shame, reproach, isolation and rejection, God chose to bless me with a tiny human. I was condemned but not convicted, I was different to many other girls but not less. I was loosed from the shame of my past because of this angel! I didn't fill isolated because I was filled with joy received from the Holy Spirit through grace and mercy.
