Another Random One

The sun has been out for days now…did someone say yaaayyy…! Oh yes, I did! This is a totally random post by the way.

This weather has made me super tired and dehydrated but I’d resist the urge to complain because I remember praying for the sun to come out when it was pouring the other week. This weekend has been relaxing though, I did nothing but sleep and eat :D.

Since I wrote my half year report, I haven’t read any additional book(s); maybe I spoke to soon... Oh well...! I have however bought a few more and I hope to start soonish.

I'm very busy at work these days and I’m sorry if I haven’t kept in touch with people in the last month... I know work shouldn’t be an excuse and isn’t a good enough one either but all the same, I apologise. I’ve also been having fun to be honest…graduation parties, bridal showers and what not. All you brides please get married at random times of the year other than summer, ***the expenses are too much and some of us are not executives yet...hehe :D 

You know the saying - ‘the prayers of my mother keep me going’ - it really does and I thank her for her prayers… I just love her, she’s an amazing soul.  My dad always makes me want to be better and I thank him for being a teacher, a protector and my first love. I pray I find a man like him although in this generation that may just be wishful thinking cos he is unique in every sense of the word.

I’ve been excited about the Olympics *not* all the road closures and traffic can be some sort annoying, scratch that, it is definitely annoying!! I have to get the bus to work tomorrow…which means I have to set out earlier! (annoying much)

I just realised it's impractical to trust people overnight but in my opinion trust comes with consistency on their path and their ability to stand by and act out without fail the values they've professed - is that a bad thing?!?  Consequently, I raised the bar for trust after a number of unpleasant experiences with people (both male and female). Very random stuff ay?!

Did y’all know there’s a difference between great love and right love?!? Hmmmn a thot for a blog post. 


Have a beautiful week people! 

Get A Life Chris!

Well hello hello, I was inspired to write this post because I’ve been asking myself and maybe a few other people why married men get attracted to young single ladies. I know some people think that’s an easy answer but really is it?!? When I was younger, people played it out as though girls threw themselves at married men because they wanted them to take care of them and of course if I didn’t get to experience this myself, I might have just had that same thought. I mean you are appropriately dressed or even dressed down (not looking your best), and a married man with kids not only compliments you but also makes a pass at you. Seriously do I have written on my forehead saying ‘if you are married with kids holla’. It bugs me and really creeps me out like urrrggghhh that’s just so disgusting. Anyhoo without going into details here it goes. 


My name is Chris and I am happily married but that depends on your definition of ‘happily married’. My definition of those words are Blessed with a beautiful woman I can provide for and two beautiful twin girls. But in the real sense of the word, I have not felt 'happy' for the past 3 years of my marriage. I got married to Vanessa 3 years ago at a beautiful church in Rome, it was one of a kind as people we cherished graced us with their presence; I mean it was just amazing marrying this beautiful woman. 


Prior to the wedding Van as I fondly called her was living in America and I was over here in England, we were classmates at college before she got a brilliant job in America. She randomly added me on facebook some 6 years down the line. We chatted a number of times and in no time, it was clear that we were both single and ready to mingle (her more than myself, I think). I quickly became fond of her as we chatted on yahoo messenger all day everyday. I must say she was almost like a superwoman. She made out time for me amidst her busy schedule. Thing is, Van kinda grew on me. She was very caring, paid attention when I needed her to, she knew how to make me laugh and also how to get me in touch with my feminine side. 


My parents had just the two of us, my sister and I and I am 6 years older than she is. There was some pressure from them to settle down so they could see grand kids and what not. I was 35 at the time and it just seemed like the right thing to do -most of my friends were married anyway. I visited Van in America 3 months after we got talking and bam! I knew she was the one I was meant to spend my life with. We were in a relationship within a month of emails and calls but that visit put the icing on the cake. I made an effort to take days off work to see her in New York and by the 5th month I proposed to Van on her 34th birthday. Story of how we got hitched! God blessed us with two beautiful identical twin girls who we named Ivana and Jessica. 


I don’t know where we lost it, I don’t know when happy left us or who took it away from us, all I know is happy or happily married (if u choose) dissipated. It all started when a new intern at work resumed. She reported directly to me and it was my responsibility to train her. I wasn’t attracted to her physically from the get go but she also grew on me. Sola the new intern was smart, she knew how to calm me down when I was angry - if I was shouting on the phone or getting into it with a colleague all she needed to do was make a face and I would get myself together. She would make sure I ate lunch (this sometimes involved her spending her money). The nature of my job meant I got home pretty late when Van and the kids were asleep. But then, Sola’s character and gesture just started making me realise Vanessa’s flaws. Dinner wasn’t waiting on the table, I would wash both our cars in the weekend and tidy up the house, I would also spend time with all 3 beautiful women in the weekends but Van didn’t seem appreciative. She was always nagging about things she needed me to get done and people she didn’t want me to have as friends. Her flaws just became too obvious. 


You see, Van was an American citizen and she helped me with my residential documentation and even with job applications. I really do cherish her for that. But I still don’t know where we lost it. I also didn’t know when I started showing Sola at work that I was now fond of her. 


Sola was a genuinely kind and caring girl. She knew I was married with kids and I must stress that she didn’t make passes at me. She asked after my wife and kids constantly and even when we talked about her personal life she wouldn’t hesitate to talk about the guy she has been with for 3 years. I started pecking her as a greeting and I could tell she thought it weird but I was falling in love with her so I didn’t mind. The day I realised I loved her was when I lifted her up at work and spun her round. Oh Lawd! she was so mad and I’m sure she would have reported me to HR if she could. I started calling her ‘baby girl’ and Sola started withdrawing; she became so… mean. She started calling me ‘sir’ and responding with ‘yes boss’ furthermore avoiding me in the mornings so as to avoid my pecks.

 I found myself missing her even when we were in the same office. She was still very professional in doing her job and this is not a biased view because people at work were still commenting on the intern doing a fantastic job. I really wanted to understand why she wasn’t going with the flow of the vibe we had. Sometimes she would still speak to me, get me tea, water, and oh yes lunch. How could someone be this caring and still keep it so professional I often wondered. I started wishing I had waited 3 more years to meet Sola, instead of marrying Van. But you know I am a man and I can be stupid. Would I have ever met Sola if not for Van’s help through the years? Am I so sure that Sola will be my soul mate based on this feeling I have? What if I did the same thing to Sola years down the line (you know the whole fall in love with someone else)?! I told a friend the other day about her and I was so shocked when I said in the moment “I regret getting married to Vanessa”. My friend’s comment almost hit home but not quite when he said ‘Sola has the 20% Vanessa doesn’t”. He advised that ‘to find my happy I need to find out the 80% Van has and keep remembering the vow I made to her’. For me to say I regret marrying Van, can she really have an 80? I can tell you that I will literally cross the ocean for Sola but I will only be an ingrate to Van and a foolish man to Ivana and Jessica. 


This is my lil note for Sola, I love you so very much and every time I see you my heart can’t help but smile. I’m happy even if it hurts that you are doing the right thing -at least one of us is sensible enough.