Remember when I put up a post 'Wifey 101: Supply and Demand'...written by a friend supporting guys and all?!? Well, I have written something some may not entirely agree on...and I was gonna put a lil disclaimer before, cos I wasn't too sure if I was ready to share this. Oh well its a thought, no need to disclaim it so here it goes!
Well... first, it is quite irritating when I hear young men of 24 or 25 or even 27 considering marriage. Don’t get me wrong though! It’s when these guys are still living with their parents having no prospects for jobs that upset me the most. It even gets worse... I think those currently enrolled in the NYSC programme who earn just a few thousands should be slapped and the girls who cheer them on or are eagerly waiting to accept their proposals should be ambushed...lol. I don’t mean to come across as intolerant or brash; I just think marriage in itself comes with a million and one problems so why add to the list, the challenges and discomfort that lack of money breeds. I mean marriage is a different ball game.
I have however observed a pattern. I noticed that on the average, Yoruba young men tend to be lazy. My premise is based on the fact that their peers in other cultures are burdened with paying exorbitantly before getting a bride and as such work twice as hard to alteast pay-off the associated costs. I have come across a good number of Yoruba *sorry to hurt feelings* guys who have no issues living off their girlfriends or wives. They are the ones who support phrases like ‘couples should grow together’ and I agree but does it mean that when one marries a more responsible working class male who can conveniently take care of his family, they are not growing together?!?... (hmmm... smh). My point is, I sincerely believe a guy who is seriously considering settling should ask himself a few questions and the very most important ones being: If my wife doesn’t work or is unable to support the family financially, what sort of life would I be able to give my family? What quality of education would my children get? Would it always be a case of something has to be sacrificed for a need to be met etc...? If you ask me, it’s not asking too much. Its not even about being a gold digger, its just what it is.
Then of course, I am aware that some guys actually work their as* off but still don’t earn so much... 'What then' you may ask?!
The conclusion is that everyone should understand themselves well enough to know under what circumstance they can or cannot cope because there’s no point giving any guy a hard time when you knew his situation but still agreed to go on with it. Truth is, circumstances do vary for different people and one's choice doesn’t make them a saint and another a snob because we never can tell what past experiences have informed each person’s judgement. Just to be clear on my point of view, it would be good you understand that my focus is on marriage and not a relationship
Am i right or am i right :) what do you think?!
You're so right... I absolutely agree with you on this. It's particularly annoying when the guy n girl have just recently graduated, one of them will most likely be jobless. Guy=24, girl=21. Can you please tell me the difference between them? Grown babies that dunno what they're getting into.
ReplyDeleteAlthough in the yoruba tribe, our folks don't make it easy on the ladies. To plenty of them, marriage is next after graduation.
Depends on the society ur in............24, 21 yrs old are too old for marriage in most western societies. ebony's emphasis is on the social status or orientation of the guy and not on the age...........(i think)
DeleteToo right my dear! Oh thank God for wisdom! If Christ can give me so much I expect my husband to do (try) and also do more. Greater works will we do so I expect the best! Thanx love xx
ReplyDeleteHmmm...well said! The marriage dynamics is much more complex....1Tim.5:8 (I'm sure you'll all agree with me that this passage is non-gender specific and since a family stems from both the man and woman, provision is a collective duty...ladies read Prov. 31). Now, this shouldn't be an excuse for a man to be 'lazy'. But all in all, every one of us has to discover our divine purpose in marriage, work etc., and who else can 'defo' give that if not God...Shalom!
ReplyDeleteThank God the first two comments agree with me. Marriage is a union both parties should be ready for...A child can come at anytime in marriage....why should they suffer innocently?!?
ReplyDeleteMy mum sent me a bbm msg after reading..'Your dad and I didn't have it all and we still managed to raise a good family before our breakthrough came many yrs after... what do u say to girls who go that path'? My reply: I know we didn't have it all....but i don't remember being kicked out of school cos my fees were not paid, I don't remember not having food on the table at every meal..i don't remember not having a roof over our head...our lifestyle then was not as glamorous like that of our friends but we were comfortable.
So I'm not saying he has to have it all .... but not having anything at all?? is a bit silly... so Girls even if the man does not have it all...he must have the prospect, the will and the ability to be a responsible family man.
I COULDN'T AGREE MORE!!!
ReplyDeleteWell said. Some guys have the money but are not responsible enough to have a family (which is a bit off the point) but I like the point about prospect, responsible and the will! And I definiately know that anonymous 2 is a guy, when it comes to issues like this they have to make an excuse like the bible is not gender specific lol Same pple will agree with ur wifey 101 supply and demand.
ReplyDeletelol... wow! i like this and totally love the arguments it has produced. Ms. Ebony , you've said it all. fabulous point. Prospect, will and ability are key. Couldn't have said it any better. very lovely write-up. love it, love you! xxx
ReplyDeleteLol I'm so getting married to a hausa boy!
ReplyDeleteLol @ anonymous 3... I can confirm to u that anonymous 2 is a guy...lol. A woman should be responsible as well but you have to understand that I wrote about young single men who don't know have the means to cater for themselves well enough and they talk about catering to an immediate family *i.e. Wife and kid(s)*.
ReplyDeleteTo all the Yoruba guys that have harassed me about the comment lazy...no offence and I do not speak all yoruba guys in this case and my dad hasn't stopped attacking me about how yoruba pple are hardworking.. but daddy i'm not talking about all..just a few out of the millions...lololol
hmmmmm, many sides to ur point ebony, ur very correct from a viewpoint! in another way, we have to be careful not to inspire or breed people who get their emphasis/focus wrong......by pple I am refering to both ladies and men alike. as far as marriage is concerned, somethings are more important than present economic status....(this is what many ladies don't want to hear this days). things change very fast. for a woman who has tried many ventures without success and doesnt feel motivated to try more may just need a woman who believes in him demonstrably so that she is ready to go all the way with him. it takes a woman with a sacrificial heart based on the right focus to do that. so its not all doom and gloom for a man, who may not be able at d moment to provide. ......... Things change fast
ReplyDeleteThey do... and those are all points I couldn't cover in my post... hoping everyone would take the relevant bits and apply wisdom when dealing with their situations
DeleteTrue! but i fnk wats more important for marriage is knowing who God wants you to be with and praying that the person will have what it takes to give you the kind of life u deserve and want for yourself. For me a man's status is not what matters as my parents started together from scratch and for a while my mother was supplying all the needs of the family. In this case, my father is a yoruba man but he tried to commit suicide on many occasions becos of the pain from shame of not being able to provide for his immediate loved ones. He considered all types of 'low' jobs which my mum disapproved of becos my dad had really good credentials but no luck at getting employed. Outsiders probably percieved my mum as a foolish woman who left the proposal of rich men (as a rich man's daughter) for that of a poor man; and my dad as a stupid man, lazying at home or wandering about on the road. This case made me understand that what a man should really be able to sell to his gf or wife to be, is his love for her, his focus, ambition and vision. I advice women to be more sensitive to guys dey date, if he seems to be dwelling on the wrong things with no sense of purpose or focus that will be profitable to u in the long run, then u should become cautious. however, we must note that everybody is not supposed to start on 'comfortable' or better still 'rosy' grounds. The main fng is to first know that he is 'YOUR OWN' and then move on to ensure that although he's not so blessed, he seems to have realistic ideas and views in mind that would make the situation better in the long run. We have more 'guys' than men in the world today, and i fnk grls have to be cautious about that too. A great man used to say 'You attract who u are and not wat you want' and i fnk its a good food for thought for us ladies. If u make urself a valuable woman too, 'nonsense'shouldnt get to that point(marraige proposal point) with you. All in all, i advice ladies not to be myopic in their view of men, we must be able to see either a great package waiting to happen , or a nonentity waiting to explode in a man. And everything in the end comes back to God. *i hope this makes sense..lol*
ReplyDeleteYes absolutely make sense Abisola... I touched on some o ur points in my first comment as well..
DeleteUltimately God's will shud be the main focus... thanks for ur comment much appreciated!
Nice work Bisola, you speak the truth
ReplyDelete