One Awesome Friend

I was only a week old and she had proved to be the kindest of individuals. She wasn't obligated to help me but she chose to. Day after day, she was patient with me teaching me all I needed to understand. I wasnt quite used to that sort of treatment so i constantly felt the need to take heed and make the most of it while it lasted. I mean... She seemed too nice to be true; more like a being sent from above.

Well... Not particularly a genius herself, she frequently got in trouble with the boss for failing to meet up with expectations. She was barely a year old at the firm but she knew enough to groom me and teach me the rules of the game. Unlike the others who cared less if I existed and were all too quick to reprimanding me when I erred, she was genuinely interested in ensuring I improved daily.

The others were the truly experienced ones, they knew it all but were the sorts who rather conceal and save up their knowledge for public displays. They were more interested in sending me on errands and watching me falter than giving me the training i so desperately required. But she was different. She would entertain my inadequacies and allow me disrupt and interupt her work as often I could. She would constantly attend to me especially when she perceived my tasks had gotten me buried in confusion and despair. That was how thoughtful and considerate she was.

I'm not sure when, how or why, but it all changed... She became distant. She would simply let out a smile when I teased or express an exuberant demeanour when she's got an amazing feedback from the boss. Maybe it was me! I mean... I'm quite a handful. I'm easy to get along with but difficult to be friends with. "Could i have driven her to this point?" I repeatedly asked myself. "Could I have discouraged her without knowing or said something i shouldnt have?". "Could I have overwhelmed her with my needs disregarding the existence of hers?". All these thoughts plaugued my mind and began to slowly shape my behaviour.

Before long, I also began to withdraw, I was well schooled and able to stand on my feet so I had little or no reason to seek her advise. Faster than I realized, we had become 'just colleagues' and I had began to excel at my job and take the credit for all my successes.

Almost like two college girls, we started to get into arguements, fights and before long talked behind each others' backs. I must say, she had grown quite annoying and i'm sure we got on each others' nerves in equal proportion.

It was one of those evenings when I do my personal reflection that it occured to me that I was flawed. I had thought for a few good hours and objectively realised my failings... It wasn't her at all, it was I who was the problem!

I discovered that words failed me when I needed them the most and an unending stream of them filled my mind when I need them to stop. I realised that I lacked when it came to being as nice to others as they have been to me and i came to terms with the fact that I was very critical, not trusting and hard to please. I didnt mean to be this way, I just assumed she'll know I cared from such gestures as sharing my excitements with her.

I got angry often at her for being insensitive when it was i who had concealed my true emotions with a smile and denied the existence of an ill feeling ...that was my crime: pretense. I was a fraud when she had so easily trusted, opened up and sincerely cared. she perceived the stench of it from far off as if it were a dead animal rotting in an enclosed space.

While the goodnews is that amends were made, the focus of this mainly is to provoke an evaluation of self and our relationships. They are not always the cause, sometimes, we are too.

To my amazing friends, I really love you all. I know i don't deserve a few of you....and i'm grateful and thankful for you guys in my life. xx