So everyone that’s close to me knows I don’t forget things easily and that goes for the good, the bad and the ugly. I’m good with dates, numbers, words, specific events and the images can replay in my head so clearly like it happened only yesterday. A couple of my friends have said I don’t forgive easily and that I only remember the bad stuff, and to be honest I sat down and had a meeting with myself to check if my heart was in the right condition -that way I would know if I truly remember only bad events. I came to a conclusion that I remember all and I realised it’s a gift to me which I truly appreciate. Truth is even if I remember all; at least there are some good stuff as well. On the path of self discovery I however realised that I didn’t forgive people easily or I forgive, and the memory of the event never leaves *now that’s just bad* crack yourself up and say it again. I mean I remember everything down to dates and time, it is that good or bad as some would say.
About a year ago, things happened *which may be blogged on some day* and I was so hard on myself it was unbelievable. I wouldn’t forgive the offender and I wouldn’t forgive me for allowing someone take me for *foolish* Anyways ,I battled with forgiveness for months and to my friends I lied that I had forgiven and that it was all in the past. Months later, I was worshipping and was totally broken as in…crying like a baby, tears running down you don’t want to imagine the rest *ewwwww* and it occurred to me: while I’m steady here ready not to forgive, my dear friend is living their life worry free and I’m over here struggling with forgiveness and dislike cos I wouldn’t call it hate. So I asked God to allow me forgive both myself and the offender –trust me it was hard *the end*. But after this I was so happy and a weight was lifted off me; who knew forgiveness could give you such relief. To forgive is truly divine as they say because, at the end of the day, it’s for you and not the offender –remember, they are enjoying their lives while you stay mad at them.
Recently, I kept getting calls from my offender and I decided to finally attend to it. Who knew someone so jumpy and talkative could become so calm, quiet and almost mistakably peaceful. And for some reason I could predict their next couple of lines. I was so happy because there was nothing better than to hear those words…. I was wrong, I’m sorry; pls forgive me blah blah blah. It took over a year but hey, it finally came. I chose to forgive while having wisdom enough not to let them get too comfortable to repeat their actions. I have learnt one thing: if I have to go to God’s throne to ask for forgiveness daily, who am I not to forgive a mere human who is just as imperfect as I am.
….And people karma is real, and my offender shares the same belief. Apparently it’s the only reason they decided to apologise cos perhaps it had bitten them in the a**
